Cadence Tucker

Friday, June 14, 2019

♫

Baby, seems like everywhere I go …

I see you, from your eyes, your smile …

It’s like I breathe you…

♫

I had just walked in the house from shopping, but still had Queen Bey’s lyrics playing inside my head. As I sang to the top of my lungs, calling out to my man, I knew damn well that I couldn’t hold a candle to that woman’s vocals. But in that moment, nobody could tell me that I wasn’t a superstar. Shit, I was performing acapella and hittin’ all the notes!

♫

Boy, I try to catch myself, but I’m out of control

Your sexiness is so appealing, I can’t let it go…

♫

My mood was glow-worm bright; excitement was peaked! Whenever I found my man in this house, he was getting the rest of this live performance—butt ass naked, with a side of sloppy-toppy.

“Babe!” I sang out louder, when there was no response to my concert. A huge smile was plastered across my face when I put the locks on. Love and sex were on the mind. I practically skipped down the shiny black hardwood floor, to the bedroom I shared with my fiancée, Percy.

“Your woman is home, you sexy beast! Show ya’self! I bought something real red, real see-through, and real cute to model for my sweet thang!”

I hoped like hell this bronzed man wasn’t sleep; because if he was, he’d be getting stroked until he awoke. No lie. Shit, I drove home faster than the speed allowed, and slightly under the influence to get to him. Stupid me, decided to have two lemon drop martinis at my mani/pedi appointment … and then get behind the wheel. All so that I could get here, to this feel-good.

Thank you, God, that I made it safely.

It wasn’t until a few minutes ago when I grabbed my Coach and Victoria’s Secret bags from the backseat, that I realized just how weak my damn legs were. Never again, I promised myself. My legs were always the first to feel the effects of the liquor. And speaking of legs … I was about to get real limber and part ‘em like the Red Sea, so that Percy could serve up all the beef.

“Hey!” I called to him again. “I just risked my life to get to you! You owe me, mister! Gut-strokes and orgasms … them the only payments I want! Gimme dat!”

By the time I reached our bedroom door, I was giggling like a silly teenager. “Babyyy!”

I dropped my bags in the chair just inside the door, and stepped out of a pair of double-strapped open-heeled sandals, losing four inches of height. Next to go, were the tight pink denim shorts. I was about to come out of the white laced cami-top, when suddenly, Percy emerged from our walk-in closet. “Hey, sweets…” I greeted him.

But his expression was blank. Even after seeing all this dark-chocolate goodness, damn-near naked… for whatever reason, this dude didn’t seem fazed at damn all.

“Aye…” he responded; his tone dry as hell when he greeted me.

There was no eye contact from the pretty brown eyes I was used to looking into, and there was something else—his arms were full with clothes. My first thought was that he was emptying out the old and planning to buy some new. I followed his every move, more questions than answers swirling around in my head.

“Aye yourself…” I said when he unloaded the clothes in his arms onto the bed. “Aht–aht, we need all of that space, baby.” I did a slow, seductive stroll toward him. I figured I’d snake my arms around him to relieve him from duty, and then give him some of my type of relief. “Or, we can just get it poppin’ in the shower and—”

“I’m leaving, Cadence.”

His words dropped like bombs, then ricocheted off the walls and echoed into the air.

“Wait…” I reached for his arm. “What?”

He pulled back, then looked me in the eyes. “It’s not working with us anymore.”

“Wait… P-P-Percy…” The way I whined the statement, pissed me off. I sounded pathetic, soft. But how else was I supposed to sound after hearing an announcement like that? “I… I need you to elaborate. Be clear.”

“Cadence, I was clear. We’re not working. You know I’m right. It hasn’t been right between us for a while.” He shrugged his shoulders. “We’ve been forcing it.”

“Nooo, we haven’t. We’ve been working on it … like couples do!”

“We’ve been forcing it,” he insisted. “Anything that’s right doesn’t need to be forced. All the arguing, the empty lovemaking. It’s exhaust—”

“We’re engaged, Percy—to be married! How do you just abandon something we’ve worked so hard to build?”

“I’m sure after I’m gone you’ll realize that I’m right. You’ll look back over these last few months and thank me for being the one to make the decision.”

“See! The one to make the decision! You’re always making decisions that should be a collective—as a goddamn individual! Who does that?”

His glare was familiar. It was the same one that he gave whenever the topic of our main problem came up. That problem being, his habit of doing things that benefited the half and not the whole. We’d been here time and time again. Why was I even arguing the point? Why was I trying to plead a case to a person who clearly saw me as disposable?

“Cadence, listen. This doesn’t mean that I don’t love—”

“Love? You can’t poss—”

“I do.” He paused. “It’s the ‘in love’ that’s missing. I’m not happy; and if you’re honest with yourself, you’d admit that you’re not happy either.” While he was talking, I began fidgeting with the diamond around my finger, slowly tugging at it until it reached my knuckle. “Don’t…” he said, taking note of what I was doing. “I don’t want the ring back. Keep it. The lease is up in three months, so I’m sure Bob will be calling to see if you want to extend it. It buys you a little bit of time.”

He headed back to the closet, with me on his heels.

“If I want to extend it? You’re serious as fuck right now too, aren’t you?”

He was handling me like … like I never meant shit! Dismissing me like any one of the other people he had dismissed from his life without warning. I’d watched him many times walk off from friendships, even family members without so much as an explanation. I don’t know what made me think I would be any different.

“Look at me, Percy!” I demanded.

My high had plunged to ground zero. I was sober as fuck; but now my anger had pushed through. The disrespect was proving to be too much; and he was going to know exactly how I felt about his ass, and this bitch-ass move he was making.

“I know you’re pissed right now, Ca—”

“Pissed?! Try hurt, muthafucka! Try disrespected, you asshole! You got me so fucked up! All the shit I’ve been through with you and this is how you do me? Just walk the fuck away? And if I hadn’t gotten here when I did, you were just gonna get ghost! You ain’t shit!”

“Cadence…” He took a step in my direction, his voice was soft, empathetic. But it was too late for that shit. Felt like pity, and I resented it.

I took a step back. “Don’t even think about it.”

I doubled back into the room to put my shorts on. I was numb. But I was also ready for battle. The kind of battle that could possibly end a life. In that instant, I knew that I could easily grab a weapon and use it on him. I knew it. Because all I could think about were the hundreds of times I was the one to compromise. It came down to me—all the time. I’d been the one holding us together. But that was because I saw that bullshit-ass relationship, as an investment.

“You okay?” I suddenly heard from behind me.

Without turning around, I told him, “Don’t fuckin’ worry about whether I’m okay. Just be muthafuckin’ glad that I love myself enough to value my freedom. I’ma leave so you can finish packing. Make sure you grab everything because anything still in this bitch that belongs to you…” I turned around to look at him. “… will be set the fuck, on fire.”

With that, I grabbed my purse, a jacket, and then headed back out the door.

Cadence

A short while later…

“Girl, you are lyin’!” my girlfriend Noelle shrieked through the phone at the news. “Are you okay? Why are you just now calling me? Did he say anything about why? Or—”

“He didn’t say shit except that neither one of us is happy. Said some shit about us struggling to make it work for a while now.”

“Well …” she said, with a slow slur.

“Well, what?”

She took a short pause before saying, “He’s not lying, girl. I know you don’t want to hear that right now. But we both know what it is.”

“Yeah, we do know what it is. But we also know that relationships require work. This fool took me through bullshit! Complaining about his family, about his job, about the price of fuckin’ tea in China! Just gotdamn everything. And I was right there stroking his ego, stroking his dick … and let’s not even go there! A dick that only had a few minutes of life to it! Hell, let’s not go there about his ‘no oral sex’ rule! Shit, I suffered! But he decides that it ain’t working?! Got me all the way fucked up! We stay riding for these no-good-ass men, let them use us the fuck up, and then when they’re ready to dip, it’s just what it is! I had to leave because I wanted to hurt that man—bad.”

“Sis, just calm down. Take a deep breath—a few deep breaths.”

“Yeah. I’m about to drive around for a little while longer. I just need to let the air blow in the car and cool me down, so that I can process this shit with a clear head. That’s all. I gotta keep driving before I end up going back there and bustin’ this nigga’s toddler balls with this metal bat I keep in my damn car. I could do some serious-ass damage with the way my temperature is boiling.”

“Can I make an observation?” Noelle asked.

“Go ‘head.”

“You’re not crying—like … at all. That really says something, whether you know it or not.”

“Oh, honey, I’m not about to cry. I can’t. I’ve done enough of that. Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t produce a tear.”

“And maybe that’s because you don’t care enough about the relationship to even mourn it. Maybe you’re just pissed that he got to leave first. And before you cuss me out, think about it.”

“I’m not gonna cuss you out. It’s not that serious. Maybe that’s facts. Maybe I don’t care enough. Maybe I just think that it’s foul the way that he went about it.”

“So, you didn’t even see it coming?” she asked.

“Don’t you think I would’ve already said something?” I snapped before I knew it.

“I was just—”

“It’s cool, Noelle. That was my bad. My response was outta line. And no, I didn’t see it coming. But if not having sex for the past week is any indication, then maybe I did know. Because even though his contribution is weak as fuck, he likes sex frequently, and several times a week.” I started to laugh as soon as the words fell from my mouth. “The funny thing about it is that I didn’t have the urge to have sex with him, so wasn’t really tripping off the fact that he hadn’t at least tried to touch me.”

Noelle cleared her throat after our laughter simmered. “Well, umm … that there seems to tell a whole lotta story, chica.”

“Welp! I guess that’s that, then. What are you about to get into?” I asked her. “I think I might run to Target, grab me some trinkets, and get me a room for the night so I can rest up before cleaning up the condo tomorrow.”

She yawned. “I’ll be knocked out in a minute. I was already laying down. But I think that getting a room sounds good. It’ll give you a chance to unwind and process. Get used to what that single life feels like again. Then tomorrow … today will be the past. Get to one of those nice hotels with a full bar and a restaurant and go on a ‘date for one’. It’s Friday; what better time to do it.”

“Yeah,” I said, slowly. “Let me call and see if I can get something in San Francisco. It’s only six something, so still early.”

“Don’t do nothing I wouldn’t do!” Noelle yelled out as I was hanging up.

Fifteen minutes later, I was about to pass Noelle’s exit to hit the Target near her place. But I made the quick decision to take her exit instead. I figured that since tomorrow was Saturday, I’d sleep tonight off; and then book me a nice suite where I could get my money’s worth by staying the whole day and night. Then I could make Noelle come with me, and we could have a mini-girl’s trip.

Up the block a bit, I pulled down my vanity to press the button to the genie for Noelle’s garage. But just as I did that, a car coming from the opposite direction slowed in front of her house. The car, I didn’t recognize, but the driver I definitely did. Noelle’s garage door began to ascend, and the vehicle drove forward. Confusion engulfed me like flames in a fast-moving fire. I couldn’t believe that I was seeing what I was seeing.

I continued a slow creep, hanging back just enough to see what scene was playing out. To see if I was reading something into nothing. But then my fiancée walked from inside the garage, reached into his pocket for a key, that seconds later, he used to access my friend’s front door.

This bitch…

Cadence

Please tell me this shit ain’t happening…

Four years with him. Six years with her. My friend and the man that I was supposed to be marrying in a year.

No wonder she never said, “Oh, you should come here.” No, instead, it was, “Breathe… and yeah, go get a room and have some me-time!”

And when I thought back on the conversation, she was flat about everything. No real show of emotion, outside of trying to feel me out by asking whether or not I saw signs. Bitch! Fuck him—let’s take him out the equation for a minute. Deceit is expected on their parts! They go where the dick leads them, but what about the fuckin’ sisterhood?!

Everything that I’d been to both of them, and they do this!

My hands sat at ten and two on the steering wheel … the wheels in my head turning. The butterflies in my stomach were spazzing, while the past few hours flashed in front of me. Walking into the house and him packing in silence, with zero emotion while he told me his plans. The call to her a short while ago telling her about what happened, when clearly, she already knew! No wonder she was so quick to point out that I hadn’t shed a tear. It’s what made the bitch feel okay about the foul shit she was doing. Did it make her feel justified when I said that I’d already cried enough tears?

I didn’t know what I was waiting for. I had been sitting there with my car idling for who knew how long at this point. My mind raced about rolling up the driveway … or driving through her fucking living room! The devil on my shoulder was trying to talk me into doing damage. But I was trying to hold back from that. Man, was I trying to hold back! Because if I did confront them, and Noelle came out of her face with some side-chick sarcasm … some shit like, if I was the woman I was supposed to be, then he wouldn’t be there … I would for muthafuckin’ sure lose it! I’d need bail money! And a good-ass lawyer.

I couldn’t believe it! This only meant that for every situation me and him went through, Noelle not only knew about it—before I told her—she was probably the cause of it!

Crazy part about it was that my mother never liked Noelle. Always had something slick to say about her. I figured my mother’s views on the ‘friendship’ stemmed from the fact that she had the same two best friends since she was twelve. She believed that a friend couldn’t truly be a friend—unless they came up with you. So, she never gave the girl a chance. Shit, she didn’t like Percy’s ass either! Wasn’t on board with the engagement and damn sure wasn’t on board with the marriage. So, Mama did know best, I guess…

Before I knew it, I had parked my car at the curb, and was headed to the front door. With each footfall, I tried to talk myself into going back and driving off. Tried to tell myself that they weren’t worth it. To just let them have each other and be done. But then autopilot kicked in, and I was off.

Two chimes of the doorbell, and nobody showed up. The anger swelled inside at that point, because all I could picture was the two of them ‘celebrating’ their new beginning. Humiliation reared its head. That feeling, layered on top of anger, wasn’t a good combination. I went back to my car and grabbed the genie from the visor. If they didn’t hear the door, then maybe when she heard the garage go up, she’d bring her punk ass out to face me. I hoped like hell that when she did, her nigga was by her side, because I had something for both of them.

Inside the garage, I stormed past both of their cars. A split-second thought of fucking up their vehicles was set aside. I wanted my energy to be for the fight, instead.

I busted through the door that led to the kitchen, ready to fuck shit up. But even before I reached the bottom of the stairs, I realized why they hadn’t heard the door or the garage. The sex music was loud as fuck. I felt played. Now I knew why her and Kevin ended. She told me that the relationship phased itself out. Yeah, I’ll bet it did.

I didn’t take too long contemplating on whether to proceed up the stairs and to her bedroom. It was a no-brainer. They needed to see me. They needed to know that I knew.

At the top of the stairs, I took a deep breath and walked straight into the already-open door. There she was riding this nigga like he was an electric bull. They fucked like it was the end of the world, making all kind of jungle noises, that became louder and louder. They were into it. I stood there wondering if the shit had always taken place here in her bed, or if they’d had the nerve to fuck in our bed, too. Before the thought even finished playing out in my mind, I had somehow made it bedside and had Noelle’s bitch-ass by the hair. I yanked her off the dick with every piece of strength, hate and disgust, I had inside of me. Her hair was locked so tight in my fist that my knuckles felt like they would crack.

Her hands flew up over her head as she reached for my wrist.

“Ahhh! Ahhhh!”

Through the hollering, she tried to fight back. But my swift reflexes blocked that bitch’s efforts. My right fist just started connecting. I didn’t care where the blows landed, just that she felt every fucking one.

From under us, a naked-ass Percy was scrambling to be the peace. He intercepted one of my blows, and caught it in his fist, while trying to pull at me.

With strength that I didn’t even recognize, I snatched away from him. “Don’t you fuckin’ touch me!” I roared, still with a death grip on his hoe, with my other hand.

Her screams, his yelling, “Cadence! Let her go!” and the music were all in surround sound.

“Fuck you, bitch! And. Fuck. This. Bitch. Too!”

“Cadence! Oh my God … Please! Please stoppp!” she pled, finally realizing that she wasn’t going a damn place until I let her go. I didn’t have plans on letting the bitch go until she dropped to the fuckin’ floor.

“Let her gooo! Cadence!” Percy yelled in baritone, like I gave a fuck. “Do you want the police here? Let her the fuck go!”

My focus was Noelle. I was out for blood. Percy’s hurt would come from seeing his bitch battered and bruised. I hadn’t had to fight a bitch since middle school, but it seemed that that shit was like a motor skill. I was in blackout mode. I’d long ago left zero and was all the way at a hundred.

The next thing I remembered was being wrapped up from behind by Percy’s naked ass. He had my arms pinned at the sides, and my feet had left the ground. And the moment that my feet left the ground, his woman’s limp body, slumped into its own spot…

Yazid Wright

“Why you seem eager as fuck to get me outta here?”

It was never enough for Dana; and that’s why I was so glad that she was gettin’ the fuck out of my shit and my damn life. She had lasted a whole six months too long, and I was ready to reclaim bachelorhood.

“Dana, cut the shit,” I said, loading the last of her designer tote bags into the back of the Chevy Impala I was nice enough to let her keep.

“What shit am I cutting?” she asked combatively, her hand on her hip. She wanted to coax me into an argument, but those days were over. “You just seem eager as fuck, and I think that’s fucked up. You’ve been wanting me gone! I could tell! Acting all weird and shit! You should’ve…”

The longer I watched her mouth move the happier I became knowing that I wouldn’t have to hear a goddamn thing come out of it again.

“You came up on a five-year-old ride—damn near brand new. Leave peacefully; you know my neighbors ain’t with that ghetto shit.”

“Fuck you, Yazid!”

“Nah, I’m good,” I responded, sarcastically.

“So, when you fucked me last night you already knew that you didn’t want me anymore, huh? You could’ve been a man about it!”

I wanted to tell her that I did go about it like a man. That I got the pussy before I sent her ass off; but I knew I wouldn’t be able to do it without laughing. The only reason she got the dick at all was to shut her up from naggin’ about me not taking her to dinner at moms.

“Yeah, you’re right.”

“Do not patronize me, Yazid.”

I didn’t even look at her, just said, “Okay…” and kept taking bags and the few small boxes from the curb and putting them in the trunk and backseat.

“Okay…?” she huffed.

I’d be a lie if I said that Dana didn’t look good. Five-foot-six, firm C-cups, proportioned ass, smooth cocoa-brown skin that glowed when she stood under the sun—like now—and a firm body that she worked hard to maintain several days a week in the gym. She was fine in all the right places, and wouldn’t have problems finding a dude that would let her manipulate his ass into a commitment. That dude, just wasn’t me.

After I loaded the last of her bags, I was done and on my way. “Like I said … okay.”

“See! You’re still fucking doin’ it!”

“Nah, only thing I’m doing is waiting for you to hop in that driver’s seat, and peel off.”

“And what if I don’t? What if I stay right here until I get the answers I want?”

“Then you’ll be standing here by ya’self.”

“It must be another bitch, huh? One of those groupie-ass bitches from your cousin’s camp of hoes?”

I folded my arms across my chest. “You act like I told you that shit with us … was exclusive.”

“So, that’s what it is? Relationships scare you?”

“Scare me? Nah. I ain’t scared of shit. I don’t want one. It’s about choice, sweetheart … never about fear.”

“Does it have to do with you going to San Jose tomorrow? You wanna be free and clear of me so that you don’t feel guilty about what you might do there?”

My arms dropped by my side, and then the laughter just poured out. It took me about a minute to stop laughing. This simple broad was bat-shit muthafuckin’ crazy. I was done entertaining her silly ass.

With Dana, I was trying something new. A few times I let her spend the night instead of sending her on her way after we did our deed. Before I knew it, she was leaving small items: a toothbrush here, some underwear and an outfit there. And since the sex was good and available, I allowed it. The first time she got an attitude about not being on the invite list to Sunday dinner at my Mama’s house, I knew she was on borrowed time. But yesterday when she threw out some shit about giving our “arrangement” a certain amount of time … her time was up.

“I don’t see what’s so funny about that, Yazid?”

“Dana, you take it easy. I was gonna say that I was down for us to still be friends. But yeah … I’on think that’s even a good idea. I’m out…”

“Yazid!” she yelled, as I walked away from her and back toward my front door. “Yazid! I know you hear me!” She was right. I heard her loud and clear, but as I took my stairs two at a time, my mind was on two things: waiting for these cleaning people to come and get my spot back to the bachelor feel it had before, and packing my shit for my business trip to San Jose.